In Other News, Big Bird is a Velociraptor

OK, this isn’t writing-related, but it’s important. I really can’t believe people haven’t connected the dots on this one before now. Surely it is obvious that Big Bird is a velociraptor, right?

Velociraptor attacking

Look: it’s been a few years now since the discovery that they have feathers. And surely you’ve noticed the way that on Sesame Street kids just kind of vanish and get replaced by new ones without comment. And look at the legs on that thing! You don’t see legs like that on a chicken or even emus, this is a powerful animal that leaps and jumps and tears into things. I guarantee you, this well-fed beast contains a whole human being at all times.

And the “velociraptors are extinct” thing doesn’t wash either — what’s Big Bird’s best friend? A Woolly Mammoth, the only thing too big for him to take down and eat solo. Every other creature and person on that show is alive because Big Bird permits it, for now. He is plainly on top of the food chain: so much so that one of them subsists on garbage and is so afraid as to claim to love it. But the mammoth gets respect.

I don’t see why this is so difficult, people. Nor does this have anything to do with writers drinking or procrastinating story deadlines or writing blog posts on a dare.

This post was, I assure you, purely and entirely brought to you by the letter ARRRRRRRRRRRRRgh… *thump* *bleed*

10 thoughts on “In Other News, Big Bird is a Velociraptor

  1. *snerk* So, WordPress has started offering suggestions for publicizing blog posts, such as keywords you might add. It suggested,

    Add a couple more to make your post easier for others to discover. Some suggestions: top of the food chain, velociraptors, big bird, street kids, and thump.

  2. Ah, I’ve been asked to explain why a modern television show has both a velociraptor and a woolly mammoth. Simple. They are unstuck in time, which is why Sesame Street never has such elementary lessons as non-linear causality or general relativity.

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